"I don't want to be left behind, I've been so blind to all that I have broken."

I don't think I've ever been this happy. And it's all down to you ♥
I love you so much ♥

So, I realise I shouldn’t be saying any of this, but I need to get it off my chest – if you see this, yeah, it’s about you:
You honestly can’t tell me no one loves you. Here’s the thing. You have so many friends, and so many amazingly good things in your life that you refuse to see. Instead you over think the bad things. You did great last night, honestly. Matt was proud of you, Amy was proud of you, and Adam was proud of you. Anya and all the others were too. Here’s the thing, so were the twins, so was I. Just because you don’t want to be friends anymore doesn’t mean we aren’t proud of you when you do well. Sing like you’re practising. Pretend no one is watching and you’re just messing about with friends.
 
Now to the happier part:
Yesterday was amazing. Yeah, the film wasn’t all that good. But your arms around me were ♥ You eating pancakes is actually so cute :3 I had no idea Keenan was that good :O and Jared was amazing too :) Luke still has an amazing voice :P I agree, Matt is well good :O and Adam, when did he get good looking? But he’s awesome too :P you on the other hand, can’t tell me girls don’t give you any attention. Yet, you stuck by me most of the night, I swear you were always watching me o.O
I’m sorry if I was a bit much, all day yesterday. Anyway,
 
I love you ♥

I love days out with you.
I guess I sort of lied to you; I don’t like your hugs. I love them, because you make me feel safe and loved.
We danced in the middle of a music shop today, you know?
We hid behind curtains like little kids; “Look! This one’s alive!”
We talked about University – together. (I want to go wherever you are.)
You said you’d teach me Spanish if I wanted to learn.
I wore your coat, and you wore my hoodie. But you got cold so we sat at the bus station cuddled up. I put my head on your chest – I could hear your heart beat. And you put your head on mine.
We hugged for ages in front of the bus. I have to stand on my toes to hug you properly. You smelt good. I didn’t want to let you go.
 
I love you ♥
 
And I guess, if I was any other girl, I’d be jealous that you’re going to meet that girl tomorrow. But somehow, I’m not. I don’t love you like that. Sometimes I wish I did. Sometimes I wish I could fall in love with you. I want nothing more than your happiness. I just plain love you ♥
 
I want to wear your t-shirt to bed, watch scary movies with you, talk on the phone until sunrise, text you all night, sneak out in the middle of the night to look at stars with you, play your favourite video game (even though I will fail), go on long walks with you, laugh until I can't breathe, have a snowball fight (I don't care how cold it it, I will teach you to love snow), hug you every chance I get, tell you I love you because you deserve to know, have a sleepover. I want you next to me, always.

i literally just want to cry.
i want to curl up somewhere and cry until there is absolutely nothing left.
i don't think i've ever felt this shit about anything ever before.
i want to cry.
 
you... you can't just-
you're just a back stabbing, lying little...
 
i want to cry.
but i can't.
i have no tears.

I don’t care to those who said I’m only posting depressing stuff. If you don’t like, don’t read, don’t look, and don’t you dare talk to me about this.
 
I’m responsible for all the shit they put you through. She holds me responsible. Well, guess what? You’re responsible for this shit. You’re responsible that tonight’s gonna be one of the hardest nights of my life.
Mum’s left.
Dad’s left.
My brothers left.
Ellie left.
Leah left.
Clíona left
Andi left.
Savanna left.
Shirley left.
Niamh left.
Aideen left.
Megan left.
Claire left.
Hazel left.
Andrea left.
Naomi left.
Dani left.
Izzy left.
Emily left.
Chloe left.
Emma left.
Amelia left.
Abby left.
Lucas left.
Daniel left.
Alexander left.
Greg left.
Blaine left.
Lucas left.
Paul left.
Alex left.
Jakob left.
And it hurts like hell. To have everyone walk out on you when you need them most, when they promised to ALWAYS be there. They weren’t.
 
And everyone else hates those who stayed.

"D'you ever just get that random urge to go up to someone and tell them you love them? Not because you want to be with them but because you're happy and you want them to be happy an you think they deserve to know that someone loves them no matter what?"
"Yeah, I want to do that to you all the time :P"
"I love you ;P"
"I love you too :) I always want to hug you randomly too, but everyone would think thats weird :L"
 
And people say that you're "such a douche" and that there's "no love".
Why are you so adorable? You make me want to fall in love with you ♥
You literally have the cutest smile I have ever seen...

She talks about you, like you put the stars in the sky.
 
***
So, I haven't been myself.
I swear, don't read this if you know me, please.
 

 

 

 

 

 
Just don't, I'm begging you.
 

 

 

 

 

 
If you know me and are reading this, I feel sorry for you. Don't try to talk to me about it.
 

 

 

 

 
One of my dad's best friends died last week. No one told me until today. Dad is a wreck. Mum is struggling because she feels useless. She's going through that phase again. My "friends" are basically telling me my feelings are a joke. I can't talk to anyone because whoever I tell just tells me it's useless to care or something like that. I can't just not feel.